I know…I know…I can hear it now. Those of you who come across this post and don’t know my history are saying, “What is wrong with this chick?” And those of you who have dealt with infertility, miscarriage, or adoption are saying, “I totally get it”.
Mother’s Day is a celebration of motherhood. The history of Mother’s Day is centuries old and goes back to the times of ancient Greeks, who held festivities to honor Rhea, the mother of the gods. The early Christians celebrated the Mother’s festival on the fourth Sunday of Lent to honor Mary, the mother of Jesus. Interestingly, later on a religious order stretched the holiday to include all mothers, and named it as the Mothering Sunday. The tradition of this day continues, with a LOT of encouragement from Hallmark and Teleflora.
It is a day where we send cards, flowers, chocolate, etc. to our own mothers, and get the same kinds of things from our own families if WE are mothers. That’s what this post is about…the “IF”.
To me, Mother’s Day is another reminder that I am not yet a mother. For those of you who don’t regularly follow this blog, here’s an update. My husband and I have been dealing with infertility for the last 5 1/2 years. I had a total hyst due to endometriosis. For the last two years, we have been going through the adoption journey. We have been officially “waiting” for almost a year now (see the ticker above), with our home study renewal taking place this coming Monday.
The waiting is tough…you go through your day thinking about how you WILL eventually become a mother (and I have no doubt that I will), but then it hits you…BAM! Mother’s Day. While all of your friends who have had babies in the last couple of years are celebrating with their new families, you are hiding under the covers, wanting everyone to leave you alone. I must admit, I was blindsided. Last year, I was so excited at Mother’s Day. I heard over and over that “Next year you will get to celebrate, too!”. Then, “next year” is here and I run for the hills.
Don’t get me wrong; I am so happy for those friends and family who finally have children to call your own. Almost all of the families I know had to struggle with infertility or adoption just to becomes mothers and fathers. You have all endured, and now have your forever families. That’s how I know it will happen for us…your stories inspire me. I think of you all and it makes me smile. But sometimes, you just can’t pull yourself over that hump…you lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, and you just want to crawl in a cave and hibernate until it’s over. That was Mother’s Day for me this year.
But today is a new day and I’m over it. As I look in the dresser full of baby clothes and run my hands over the little socks and sleepers, I say to myself, “Next year…”