How am I not myself?

This blog serves as personal therapy, stress relief, information sharing, and the occasional sanity check. Enjoy!

Mother’s Day Sucks May 14, 2009

Filed under: Adoption — My Dysfunctional Life @ 12:50 pm

I know…I know…I can hear it now. Those of you who come across this post and don’t know my history are saying, “What is wrong with this chick?” And those of you who have dealt with infertility, miscarriage, or adoption are saying, “I totally get it”.

Mother’s Day is a celebration of motherhood. The history of Mother’s Day is centuries old and goes back to the times of ancient Greeks, who held festivities to honor Rhea, the mother of the gods. The early Christians celebrated the Mother’s festival on the fourth Sunday of Lent to honor Mary, the mother of Jesus. Interestingly, later on a religious order stretched the holiday to include all mothers, and named it as the Mothering Sunday. The tradition of this day continues, with a LOT of encouragement from Hallmark and Teleflora.

It is a day where we send cards, flowers, chocolate, etc. to our own mothers, and get the same kinds of things from our own families if WE are mothers. That’s what this post is about…the “IF”.

To me, Mother’s Day is another reminder that I am not yet a mother.  For those of you who don’t regularly follow this blog, here’s an update. My husband and I have been dealing with infertility for the last 5 1/2 years. I had a total hyst due to endometriosis. For the last two years, we have been going through the adoption journey. We have been officially “waiting” for almost a  year now (see the ticker above), with our home study renewal taking place this coming Monday.

The waiting is tough…you go through your day thinking about how you WILL eventually become a mother (and I have no doubt that I will), but then it hits you…BAM! Mother’s Day. While all of your friends who have had babies in the last couple of years are celebrating with their new families, you are hiding under the covers, wanting everyone to leave you alone. I must admit, I was blindsided. Last year, I was so excited at Mother’s Day. I heard over and over that “Next year you will get to celebrate, too!”. Then, “next year” is here and I run for the hills.

Don’t get me wrong; I am so happy for those friends and family who finally have children to call your own. Almost all of the families I know had to struggle with infertility or adoption just to becomes mothers and fathers. You have all endured, and now have your forever families. That’s how I know it will happen for us…your stories inspire me. I think of you all and it makes me smile. But sometimes, you just can’t pull yourself over that hump…you lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, and you just want to crawl in a cave and hibernate until it’s over. That was Mother’s Day for me this year.

But today is a new day and I’m over it. As I look in the dresser full of baby clothes and run my hands over the little socks and sleepers, I say to myself, “Next year…”

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7 Responses to “Mother’s Day Sucks”

  1. Yaya Says:

    I know what you mean, girl. I dread Mother’s Day. I cried the whole day away, which seemed to be an eternity of a day. And I get the ‘next year’ comment too.

    (((hugs)))

  2. eeyore Says:

    Hmmm…I understand what you are saying here, and I of all people understand the need to whip oneself with a metaphorical “Cat – o- Nine Tails”. I also hate Mother’s day but for completely different reasons.

    Now here is my thought, and it’s just a thought, so take it for what its worth. On those days when you are feeling the need to be a mom like Mother’s Day have you ever thought about spending the day with a kid that doesn’t have a mom and would like one? I am not saying this will replace your need for a child, but I am sure there are kids who would like a mom even if it is for a day. I am thinking like Big Brothers/Big Sisters, or even an orphanage and just play with the kids. I dunno but it seems to me it has to beat sulking and hurting then recovering. I hope this doesn’t piss you off in any way I am just trying to be a friend.

  3. Katie Says:

    I am with you…Mother’s Day is very difficult. Nonetheless, it has passed and we move on hoping for better days!

  4. stina Says:

    I totally get you my friend. I can’t stand mother’s day — granted, I love my mother, and my sister is a great mom, as are a bunch of my friends, and our society discounts the value of woman all the time, yada, yada, yada, but society says because I do not have a living breathing child, I am not a mother. And it pisses me off. Which is why I quoted Oprah on FB on mother’s day: “Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother” (or something to that affect).

    Granted, my distaste for mothers day is kinda different than yours, but maybe us “non-mother” mothers should start our own damn holiday Cause the really sad part is that there are women out there who are terrible mothers, so terrible that they beat their children for forgetting mother’s day. And they still get wished happy mother’s day at the supermarket. Sickening.

    Oh, and sorry to rant, but its been a crazy long week. 🙂

  5. Beth Says:

    I think it’s very healthy to hide under the covers no and again, but glad you managed to wiggle your way out again the next day.

  6. Michele-the mean one! Says:

    I know exactly how you felt that day…..I felt exactly the same way…. a few mother’s day’s ago….but somebody once said to me….This too shall pass! I have spent the day w/ my mom and the other “mom’s” of the family putting on the fake smile…wishing the happy’s and then going home to just wanting to be left alone! Those of us who were there once or are there now…TOTALLY GET IT! I dont want to sound cliche’…but “someday” is all you can do for now…keep the faith!

  7. blackpearlcreat Says:

    Due to my cancer, the choice to have another child has now been taken away from me. You are better than me at “getting over it”. I could not/do not have your courage.

    If you are really looking for a kid, I have a 14 and 3 year old you can borrow! 🙂


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