How am I not myself?

This blog serves as personal therapy, stress relief, information sharing, and the occasional sanity check. Enjoy!

Long Weekend May 26, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — My Dysfunctional Life @ 9:01 am

It was so nice to have a long weekend! I haven’t taken a day off since New Years, so it was wonderful to have an extra day to sleep in, hang with family and friends, and work in the yard. I worked until midnight on Friday night so I could reign in some of the extra work that has been on my plate, and not have to worry about it until Tuesday. Everyone on the team has been working 10 and 11 hour days, and some weekends, to finish up a current project. My boss (and his boss) have put very unrealistic deadlines on our team and we are all burning out fast. One poor girl was working 10 hour days two days AFTER her due date for her baby!

Anyway, It was a gorgeous weekend here in Buffalo…in the high 70’s to low 80’s all weekend long, and sunny, sunny, sunny! We celebrated David’s Mom’s birthday on Saturday and enjoyed spending time with his family. David and I planted tomatoes, and I finished up the rest of the veggie garden. We also put down a fresh layer of mulch, tied up my wisteria that seems to have a mind of it’s own, and ate dinner outside every night.  LOVE IT!

Something else wonderful happened…we found we have a pair of Bluebirds living in the trees. Yay! We put up a nesting box and they seem to have found it. I’m so happy! Bluebirds are rare around here…they tend not to like heavily wooded areas, but they seem to love our trees. I caught some pictures of the male this weekend, so I’ll post them.

We also went to see Star Trek with some friends on Sunday afternoon. One work…AWESOME! If you are a Trekkie, you must go see this flick! It was non-stop from start to finish and didn’t have one wasted moment. I am a die hard fan from way back when, and was unsure if anyone could fill the shoes of Shatner and Nemoy. I shouldn’t have worried; these new, young talents were amazing! Also, this movie was directed by JJ Abrams, who directs on of my favorite shows, Fringe. It’s a sci-fi, X-Files type of show that airs on Tuesday nights. I highly recommend both!

Next up, Terminator 3 with Christian Bale. Have I mentioned how psyched I am that sci-fi has finally become popular!? 🙂

Bluebird

Bluebird

Peony

Peony

Mom's bday!

Mom's bday!

 

TGIF! May 15, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — My Dysfunctional Life @ 9:26 am

Well, the week is almost over. It’s been a long one…

Work is nuts right now, I’m trying to get my own side biz up and running, and I’m doing some charity work. Lots to do! However, David and I are going to go hit a few buckets of golf balls after work today. It’s going to be 70 here! YAY! It will be nice to relax and just hang out with him. Tomorrow we’ll do some yard work, then we’re helping a friend move. Sunday will be the usual…church, cleaning the house, making a nice dinner. On Monday, our social worker will be visiting to do the update on our home study. We just LOVE her and although we had hoped we would only have to go through the home study process once, we are glad we’re going to see her again.

BTW, sorry for my last post being such a downer…sometimes I just need to vent, ya know? 🙂

 

Mother’s Day Sucks May 14, 2009

Filed under: Adoption — My Dysfunctional Life @ 12:50 pm

I know…I know…I can hear it now. Those of you who come across this post and don’t know my history are saying, “What is wrong with this chick?” And those of you who have dealt with infertility, miscarriage, or adoption are saying, “I totally get it”.

Mother’s Day is a celebration of motherhood. The history of Mother’s Day is centuries old and goes back to the times of ancient Greeks, who held festivities to honor Rhea, the mother of the gods. The early Christians celebrated the Mother’s festival on the fourth Sunday of Lent to honor Mary, the mother of Jesus. Interestingly, later on a religious order stretched the holiday to include all mothers, and named it as the Mothering Sunday. The tradition of this day continues, with a LOT of encouragement from Hallmark and Teleflora.

It is a day where we send cards, flowers, chocolate, etc. to our own mothers, and get the same kinds of things from our own families if WE are mothers. That’s what this post is about…the “IF”.

To me, Mother’s Day is another reminder that I am not yet a mother.  For those of you who don’t regularly follow this blog, here’s an update. My husband and I have been dealing with infertility for the last 5 1/2 years. I had a total hyst due to endometriosis. For the last two years, we have been going through the adoption journey. We have been officially “waiting” for almost a  year now (see the ticker above), with our home study renewal taking place this coming Monday.

The waiting is tough…you go through your day thinking about how you WILL eventually become a mother (and I have no doubt that I will), but then it hits you…BAM! Mother’s Day. While all of your friends who have had babies in the last couple of years are celebrating with their new families, you are hiding under the covers, wanting everyone to leave you alone. I must admit, I was blindsided. Last year, I was so excited at Mother’s Day. I heard over and over that “Next year you will get to celebrate, too!”. Then, “next year” is here and I run for the hills.

Don’t get me wrong; I am so happy for those friends and family who finally have children to call your own. Almost all of the families I know had to struggle with infertility or adoption just to becomes mothers and fathers. You have all endured, and now have your forever families. That’s how I know it will happen for us…your stories inspire me. I think of you all and it makes me smile. But sometimes, you just can’t pull yourself over that hump…you lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, and you just want to crawl in a cave and hibernate until it’s over. That was Mother’s Day for me this year.

But today is a new day and I’m over it. As I look in the dresser full of baby clothes and run my hands over the little socks and sleepers, I say to myself, “Next year…”

 

11 month update May 4, 2009

Filed under: Adoption — My Dysfunctional Life @ 9:30 am

Well, 11 months have gone by, and we’re not parents. Yet. I know it will happen…

Our home study expires in less than a month. We have submitted all of the paperwork, have all of the references in (I think), and we’re now just waiting on out social worker to call us for an appointment. We’ll have the same SW we did for the first home study…and we just LOVE her. We had a wonderful visit the first time; it was more like having a friend over rather than an interview. I’m excited to see her again! As much as I like her, I hope this is the LAST time we visit with her in this capacity. I believe we will get the call soon…I feel it. Although it’s hard to see all of the new mommies walking around the neighborhood with their beautiful new bundles of joy, I know I will be among those ranks eventually.

We have stopped talking about the adoption all of the time around the house. Instead of discussing “the adoption”, “adoption finances”, or “banking vacation days”, we are just going with the flow. All of the paperwork is in place, the money is secured, and we are looking to the future. There is nothing more we can do at this point except wait. Although I love it when David talks about building a sandbox in the backyard, we are trying not to get ahead of ourselves. It WILL happen. I know it will. So for now, we are just living our lives, taking it one step at a time.