How am I not myself?

This blog serves as personal therapy, stress relief, information sharing, and the occasional sanity check. Enjoy!

Waiting…and waiting… April 10, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — My Dysfunctional Life @ 8:09 am

Well, we were profiled for another adoption case about a week and a half ago. On Wednesday, I came home from GBB to find a message on my machine from our family advocate at the adoption agency saying she wanted to touch base and follow up about this particular case. Now our family advocate is great, but she usually doesn’t call to tell us we didn’t get picked…I usually call her after a couple of weeks goes by, and that’s fine. But when I heard this message, naturally I thought, “This could be IT!” David and I were so excited, and even had trouble sleeping that night. Could it be that my prayers had finally been answered? Would I get the birthday gift of a lifetime?

Unfortunately, no. I called the agency the next day to find out that the birthmom had chosen another family. That is now 7 times we have been profiled and 7 times we haven’t been chosen. David and I cried, yelled, and cried some more. It was a bad night.

So today, I’m packing up the baby’s room and turning it back into a guest room. I’m breaking down the changing table and storing all of the baskets on it (full of diapers, creams, powder, etc.) and storing them in the closet. The cradle is going into the basement with the crib; then I can stop staring at that room with longing. I walk by it 20 times a day and I just can’t look at it anymore.

I’ll never stop praying, wishing, hoping that this will happen soon, but the constant reminders are just too much. David says the same thing. We just renewed our home study for another year, though I’m hoping that this is the last time we have to do that.

In the meantime, I’m redoing our adoption profile and I’m starting my own little biz helping others do the same. I’ll stay involved in SOFIA, because it gives me hope seeing others who have adopted. I’ll attend charity events for adoption non-profits so I can help others with their adoption jouneys. I have got to stay busy! And I’ll wish on my candles tonight that the next call is our baby. I wish…I wish…


6 Responses to “Waiting…and waiting…”

  1. Michele G. Says:

    I read your statement….I wish I could say something that will make the “hurt” go-away…but I cannot. I have gone through the same emotions…the holidays, the worst of it all, came and went. I wish I could have talked you and David into the International, but the choice is yours in the end. I will say a prayer for you on Sunday at Mass that your prayers and your longing will be answered. I always had the thought..” Why me?” but I guess the big guy up there had other plans. In the end, yes, I got Thomas, the light of my life. I guess the plan was for me to be a parent to Thomas (from a far away place, who may have not had a mother and left in an orphange forever) and not to conceive my own. Always the unanswered question for those hundreds of us who have the longing to be parents……”Why?”

  2. Alison Says:

    Michelle –
    I am so sorry that your wait continues. And even more sad that you are feeling so sad. I got teary reading this post. I truely feel like your baby is “just around the corner” though and SOON you will be with him/her and will forget all this saddness.


  3. stina Says:

    I don’t know and can only imagine what you’re going through, but I do know that sometimes you have to stop looking to find what you were searching for all along. In some circles they say let go & let god. And I believe that sometimes you need to let go…and that there can be beauty in the breakdown.

  4. nancy rinaldi Says:

    oh my sweetie,
    i’m so sorry the baby has not come yet. i can barely type because my eyes are so full of tears.


  5. eeyore Says:

    My heart aches for you…….

  6. di Says:

    wish i had the words…know that you have every good wish and prayer i have in me. the bracelet is coming off. going to think of another way to send the energy your way. i’ll let you know.

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